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( Chapter One )
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Chapter One
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Title:When Insanity Meets Hogwarts * * * ~Introduction~The crescent moon was high in the sky, a thin wedge of silver providing a small amount of light for anyone so foolish as to be out on a night like this. A teenage girl with long, dark hair and mischievous hazel eyes wearing midnight black robes appeared in front of the Riddle House of Little Hangleton. She gazed at it curiously, for it was dark and foreboding, and shrugged, muttering, "Nice place to visit, but wouldn't want to live here." She then frowned, and reached into a hidden pocket to produce a crumpled sheet of parchment. "Let's see, what were our instructions?" She peered at the paper in dismay. "Monitor the activity of all Hogwarts residents, including Lord Voldemort, and report back how events are transpiring. That won't do at all." She pulled out a felt tipped pen from the same pocket, and with an evil grin added the much needed "adjustment" to her instructions. "Perfect." It now read, "Monitor the activity of all the residents of Hogwarts, including Lord Voldemort, and cause more havoc and irritate as many people as non humanly possible." Putting the "instructions" back in a pocket, she looked around and groaned. "Sabrina...." Suddenly another teenage girl appeared, slightly shorter than the first, with blond hair and sparkling blue eyes, wearing similar black robes. "Why hello Kahlan. Sorry I'm a bit late, but you seemed to have "forgotten" this. She handed Kahlan a long, thin piece of wood. "I know you don't prefer to use a wand, but it may be useful. I've learned a couple of useful spells." Grinning she pulled out her own wand and muttered, "Avada Kedavra", pointing it at nothing in particular. Kahlan chuckled at her friend's pathetic attempt to show off her newfound power. "Good job, looks like you've succeeded in killing the mailbox. Come on, believe it or not we have a job to do. We aren't Watchers for nothing, although how we passed the exam I have no idea. Wizards and witches of Hogwarts, beware." And with matching (and rather insane) grins plastered on their faces, the pair strolled up the driveway toward the Riddle house and what promised to be a very interesting time. * * * The villagers or Little Hangleton still called it "the Riddle House," even though it had been many years since- Kahlan: They had held the annual joke convention there. -the Riddle family had lived there. It stood on a hill overlooking the village, some of its windows boarded, tiles missing from its roof, and ivy spreading unchecked over its face. Sabrina: A house with a face? Never seen one of those before, is the ivy acne
or something? Once a fine looking manor, and easily the largest and grandest building for miles around, the Riddle House was now damp, derelict, and unoccupied. Kahlan: Oh good. I kind of fancy the house, think they'd sell? The Little Hangletons all agreed that the old house was "creepy." Kahlan: Very nice descriptive word, creepy. Half a century ago, something strange and horrible had happened there, something the older inhabitants of the village still liked to discuss when topics for gossip were scarce. Kahlan: These typical British villages really don't have much to talk about, do they? The story had been picked over so many times, and embroidered- Sabrina: In beautiful patterns. -in so many places, that nobody was quite sure what the truth was anymore. Every version started in the same place: Fifty years before, at daybreak on a fine summer's morning, when the Riddle House had been well kept and impressive,- Sabrina: And acne free! -a maid had entered the drawing room to find the three Riddles dead. The maid had run screaming down the hill into the village and roused as many people as she could. "Lying there with their eyes open! Cold as ice! Still in their dinner things!" Kahlan: Is this beginning to sound like an Agatha Christie book to anyone
else? The police were summoned- Sabrina: They were summoned? Aah, Death Eaters! Run for your lives! -, and the whole of Little Hangleton had seethed with shocked curiousity and ill disguised excitement. Nobody wasted- Kahlan: Any time coming to the funeral. -their breath pretending to feel very sad about the Riddles, for they had been most unpopular. Elderly Mr. and Mrs. Riddle had been rich, snobbish, and rude, and their grown son, Tom, had been, if anything, worse. All the villagers cared about- Kahlan: Was how much they were left in the will. -was the identity of the murderer-for plainly, three apparently healthy people did not all drop dead of natural causes on the same night. Kahlan: Knowing this place they probably all died of boredom. The Hanged Man- Sabrina: But I thought they hadn't caught the murderer yet! -the village pub, did a roaring trade that night; the whole village seemed to have turned out to discuss the murders. They were rewarded from leaving their fireside- Sabrina: *Goes around handing out hastily wrapped packages that appear to be bombs*. And one for you, and you, and you sir.. -when the Riddle's cook arrived dramatically in their midst and announced- Kahlan: That aliens were coming to take over the world. -to the suddenly silent pub that a man called Frank Bryce had just been arrested. "Frank!" cried several people. "Never!" Frank Bryce was the Riddle's gardener. He lived alone in a run down cottage on the grounds of the Riddle House. Frank had come back from the war with a very stiff leg and a great dislike of crowds and loud noises, and had been working for the Riddles ever since. There was a rush to buy the cook drinks and hear more details. Kahlan as cook: *Very drunk*. Yesh, and ish wash Frank...very sushpichis person.... "Always thought he was odd"- Sabrina: And what's wrong with being odd? -she told the eagerly listening villagers, after her fourth sherry. "Unfriendly, like.- Kahlan: Lord help us, it's a British valley girl. -I'm sure if I've offered him a cuppa once, I've offered it a hundred times. Never wanted to mix, he didn't." "Ah now," said a woman at the bar. "He had a hard war, Frank. He likes the quiet life. That's no reason to-" Kahlan as cook: Stop it, I'm trying to spread rumors here! "Who else had a key to the back door, then?" barked the cook. "There's been a spare key hanging in the gardener's cottage far back as I can remember! Nobody forced the door last night! No broken windows! All Frank had to do was creep up to the big house while we was all sleeping." Sabrina: We? Since when was she dead? Did I miss something while I was taking a nap...? The villagers exchanged dark looks. "I always thought he had a nasty look about him, right enough," grunted a man at the bar. "War turned him funny, if you ask me," said the landlord. Kahlan: Aah, so they're jealous of his sense of humor. "Told you I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of Frank, didn't I, Dot?"- Sabrina: I-dot, hahahah *shuts up as Kahlan glares at her* -said an excited woman in the corner. "Horrible temper," said Dot, nodding fervently. "I remember when he was a kid." Kahlan as Dot: He liked to pull the legs off insects and do nasty things to small animals. By the following morning, hardly anyone in Little Hangleton doubted that Frank Bryce was the murderer. But over in the neighboring town of Great Hangleton, in the dark and dirty police station, Frank was stubbornly repeating, again and again- Sabrina: Isn't repeating something saying it again and again? -that he was innocent, and that the only person he had seen near the house on the day of the Riddle's death had been a teenage boy, a stranger, dark-haired and pale. Kahlan: and evil. Nobody else had seen any such boy, and the police were quite sure- Kahlan: That Frank was having hallucinations. Then, just when things were looking very serious for Frank, the report on the Riddle's bodies came back and changed everything. Sabrina: They weren't dead, they were "just resting." The Police had never read an odder report. A team of doctors had examined the bodies and had concluded that none of the Riddles had been poisoned, shot, strangled, suffocated, or (as far as they could tell) harmed at all. Kahlan: I took Sabrina to visit Voldemort relatives...bad idea. She scared
them to death. In fact (the report continued in tones of unmistakable bewilderment), the Riddles had all appeared to be in perfect health, apart from the fact that they were all dead. Kahlan: If that had been said sarcastically.... The doctors did note (as though determined to find something wrong with the bodies) that each of the Riddles had a look of terror upon his or her face, but as the frustrated police said, whoever heard of three people being frightened to death? As there was no proof that the Riddles had been murdered at all, the police were forced to let Frank go. The Riddles were buried in the Little Hangleton churchyard, and their graves remained an object of curiosity for a while. Sabrina: *stares at three graves with a confused look on her face* I don't
get it, what's so special? To everyone's surprise, and amid a cloud of suspicion, Frank Bryce returned to his cottage on the grounds of the Riddle House. "'S far as I'm concerned, he killed them, and I don't care what the police say," Kahlan: And we care what you say? -said Dot in the Hanged Man. "And if he had any decency, then he'd leave here, knowing as how we know he did it." Kahlan: So they know that Frank did it, and he knows that they know, and they
know that he knows, but does he know that they know that he knows? But Frank did not leave. He stayed to- Kahlan: Kill Dot. Those rumors were really starting to get to him. -tend the garden for the next family who lived in the Riddle House, and then the next-for neither family stayed long. Perhaps it was partly because of Frank that the new owners said there was a nasty feeling about the place, which, in the absence of- Sabrina: Another murder. -inhabitants, started to fall into disrepair. Kahlan: Don't worry, we'll fix it. The wealthy man who owned the Riddle House- Kahlan: Liked to throw wild parties late at night. -these days neither lived there nor put it to any use; they said in the village that he kept it for "tax reasons", though nobody was clear what these might be. Kahlan: I guess in England you can get a tax discount if you own a house that
once belonged to a famous (evil) person or their relatives. The wealthy owner continued to pay Frank to- Kahlan: Be his personal assassin. -do the gardening, however. Frank was nearing his seventy-seventh birthday now, very deaf, his bad leg stiffer than ever, but he could be seen pottering- Sabrina: Pottering? But I thought Harry was in the next chapter? -around the flower beds in fine weather, even though the weeds were starting to creep up on him, try as he might to suppress them. Kahlan: It's the attack of the killer weeds! Sabrina: Run for you life!! Weeds were not the only thing Frank had to contend with either. Boys from the village- Kahlan: Kept asking for tips on how to kill people and get away with it. -made it a habit of throwing stones through the windows of the Riddle House. They rode their bicycles over the lawns Frank worked so hard to keep smooth. Once or twice, they broke into the old house for a dare. Kahlan: I would hate to see them after Voldemort caught them wrecking his new
hideout. They knew that old Frank's devotion to the house and grounds amounted to almost- Kahlan: Nothing. He hated them, but didn't have anywhere else to go. -an obsession, and it amused them to see him limping across the garden, brandishing his stick and yelling croakily at them. Frank, for his part, believed the boys tormented him because- Kahlan: They had nothing else to do. This place is pretty boring. -they, like their parents and grandparents, thought him a murderer. So when Frank awoke one night in August and saw something very odd up at the old house- Kahlan: He knew that the owner was having another of his wild parties. -, he merely assumed that the boys had gone one step further in their attempts to punish him. Kahlan: Never assume. It makes an ass out of u and me. It was Frank's bad leg that woke him; it was paining him worse that ever in his old age. (Sabrina stops whacking Frank's leg and puts the baseball bat down) He got up and limped downstairs to the kitchen with the idea of- Kahlan: How to take over the world. -refilling his hot-water bottle to ease the stiffness in his knee. Standing at the sink, filling the kettle, he looked up at the Riddle House and saw lights glimmering in its upper windows. Frank knew at once what was going on. Kahlan: *sigh* Actually, he had no idea. The boys had broken into the house again, and judging by the flickering quality of the light, they had started a fire. Sabrina: Woohoo, lets burn the house down!!!!! Frank had no telephone, and in any case, he had deeply mistrusted the police ever since- Kahlan: The arrested him for putting graffiti all over the Riddle House. -they had taken him for questioning about the Riddle's death. He put down the kettle at once, hurried back upstairs as fast as his bad leg would allow, and was soon back in his kitchen, fully dressed and removing a rusty old key from its hook by the door. He picked up his walking stick, which was propped against the wall, and set off into the night. Sabrina: Never to be seen again by anyone of the earth. The front door of the Riddle House bore no sign of being forced- Sabrina: To do what, tango? -, nor did any of the windows. Frank limped around the back of the house- (Ignoring the sticky notes that Kahlan and Sabrina were putting up to "warn him". They had phrases on them like "Don't go into the house!", "Residence of Lord Voldemort", "Only Enter If You Have a Death Wish", etc.) -until he reached a door almost completely hidden by ivy, took out the old key, put it in the lock, and opened the door noiselessly. (He ignored the two girls who followed him, slamming the door and ruining his attempt to be as quiet as possible) He let himself into the cavernous kitchen. Frank had not entered it for many years; nevertheless, although it was very dark- Sabrina: Well, I could light a fire. -, he remembered where the door in the hall was, and he groped his way toward it, his nostrils full of the smell of decay, ears pricked for any sound of footsteps or voices from overhead. (The two girls started chuckling when Frank ran into the door; he was concentrating so hard on listening for voices he forgot to open it. One of them muttered "muggles.") He reached the hall, which was a little lighter owing to the large mullioned windows on either side of the front door, and started to climb- Kahlan: Mount Everest. It had always been his lifelong dream. -the stairs, blessing the dust that lay thick upon the stone, because it muffled the sound of his feet and stick. On the landing, Frank turned right, and saw at once where the intruders were:- Sabrina: Standing right in front of him. -At the end of the passage a door stood ajar- Sabrina: Filled with honey. -and a flickering light shone through the gap- Kahlan: Mind the gap, I repeat, mind the gap. -, casting a long sliver of gold across the black floor. Frank edged closer and closer, grasping his walking stick firmly. Kahlan: *in wonder* He's going to use a walking stick to fight Voldemort? Several feet from the entrance, he was able to see a narrow slice of the room beyond. The fire, he now saw, had been lit in the grate. Kahlan: Where else would it be lit? This surprised him. Then he stopped moving and listened intently- Sabrina: Because the voices in his head were giving him instructions... -, for a man's voice spoke within the room; it sounded timid and fearful. "There is a little more in the bottle, My Lord, if you are still hungry." Kahlan: Voldemort's getting drunk? "Later," said a second voice. This too belonged to a man-but it was strangely high-pitched, and cold as a sudden blast of icy wind. Something about that voice made the sparse hair on the back of Frank's neck stand up. Kahlan: Hint hint, nudge nudge, lets GO! "Move me closer to the fire, Wormtail." Sabrina as Voldemort: Then you can clean the house, milk Nagini, go buy some more robes and red colored contacts. Frank turned his right ear toward the door, the better to hear. Sabrina: With my dear. Mwahaha it's the big bad wolf!! There came a clink of- Sabrina: A machine gun being loaded. -a bottle being put down upon some hard surface, and then the dull scraping noised of a heavy chair being dragged across the floor. Frank caught a glimpse of a small man, his back to the door, pushing the chair into place. He was wearing a long black cloak, and there was a bald patch at the back of his head. Kahlan as Frank: Hey, another bald old guy! Then he went out of sight again. "Where is Nagini?" said the cold voice. "I-I don't know, My Lord," said the first voice nervously. "She set out to explore the house, I think...." (Kahlan immediately puts down the rather large, venomous snake she had been
found in the kitchen.) "You will milk her before we retire, Wormtail," said the second voice. "I will need feeding in the night. The journey has tired me greatly." Brows furrowed, Frank inclined his good ear still closer to the door, listening very hard. There was a pause, and then the man called Wormtail spoke again. "My Lord, may I ask how long we are going to stay here." Kahlan as Voldemort: No, you may not. Now go, I'm sick and tired of your stupidity. "A week," said the cold voice. "Perhaps longer. The place is moderately comfortable,- Kahlan: Well, it would be to someone who's hidden in Albania and occupied the bodies of rats and other small creatures. -and the plan cannot proceed yet. It would be foolish to act before the Quidditch World Cup is over." Frank inserted a gnarled finder into his ear and rotated it. Sabrina: Eew that's gross! Get a Q-tip or something! Owing, no doubt, to a buildup of- Kahlan: Cobwebs in his brain. -earwax, he had heard the word "Quidditch," which was not a word at all. "The-the Quidditch World Cup, My Lord?" said Wormtail. Sabrina as Wormtail: But...but I got us the best seats!! (Frank dug his finger more vigorously into his ear.) "Forgive me, but-I do not understand- Kahlan: Could you explain our World Domination plan one more time?" -why should we wait until the World Cup is over? "Because, fool, at this very moment wizards are pouring into the country from all over the world, and every meddler from the Ministry of Magic will be on duty, on the watch for signs of unusual activity, checking and double checking identities. They will be obsessed with security, lest the Muggles notice anything. So we wait." Kahlan: For something more interesting to happen. Frank stopped trying to clear out his ear. He had distinctly hear the words "Ministry of Magic", "wizards", and "Muggles." Plainly, each of these expressions meant something secret- Kahlan: Ok, Frank, we'll define them for you. Ministries of Magic-an
organization of mostly morons run by a major idiot, Cornelius Fudge, which tries
to keep wizards secret from Muggles. -and Frank could think of only two sorts of people who would speak in codes: spies and criminals. Frank tightened his hold on his walking stick once more- Kahlan: And ran into the room, screaming "Chaaarge!" -and listened more closely still. "You Lordship is still determined, then?" Wormtail said quietly. Sabrina: Where have you been for the last three books?! "Certainly I am determined, Wormtail." There was a note of menace in the cold voice now. A slight pause followed-and then Wormtail spoke, the words tumbling- Sabrina: Like large boulders rolling down a mountainside, crushing everything in their path. -from him in a rush, as though he was forcing himself to say this before he lost his nerve. Kahlan: *sarcastically* never knew he had any. "It could be done without Harry Potter, My Lord." Another pause, more protracted, and then- Kahlan as Voldemort: Nice idea, but this woman called JK. Rowling says I can't because it would ruin the plot of her book series. "Without Harry Potter?" breathed the second voice softly. "I see...." "My Lord, I do not say this out of concern for the boy!" said Wormtail, his voice rising squeakily. "The boy is nothing to me, nothing at all!- Kahlan: We need to teach him how to lie better. -It is merely that if we were to use another witch or wizard-any wizard- Sabrina as Wormtail: Then we would have to leave this hellhole to catch them...oops, did I say that out loud? -the thing could be done so much more quickly! If you allow me to leave you for a short while-you know that I can disguise myself most effectively-I could be back here in as little as two days with a suitable person-"
Kahlan: No offense, but if I left here I definitely wouldn't come back! "I could use another wizard," said the cold voice softly, "that is true...." "My Lord, it makes sense," Sabrina: For once. -said Wormtail, sound thoroughly relieved now. "Laying hands of Harry Potter would be so difficult, he is so well protected-" "And so you volunteer to go and tech me a substitute? I wonder…perhaps the task of nursing me has become wearisome for you, Wormtail? Could this suggestion of abandoning the plan be nothing more than an attempt to desert me?" Sabrina: Man, this guy's good. Kahlan as Wormtail: Damn, how did you know? I mean, of course not, my Lord. "My Lord! I-I have no wish to leave you, none at all-" "Do not lie to me!" hissed the second voice. Sabrina as Voldemort: Didn't your mother ever tell you it was wrong to lie! "I can always tell, Wormtail! You are regretting that you ever returned to me. I revolt you. I see you flinch when you look at me, feel you shudder when you touch me...." Kahlan: Well, you gotta admit, Voldie is pretty ugly. "No! My devotion to Your Lordship-" Kahlan as Wormtail: Is what it has always been, nothing!! "Your devotion is no more that cowardice. You would not be here if you had anywhere else to go. Sabrina to Kahlan: *mutters* neither would we. How am I to survive without you, when I need feeding every few hours? Sabrina: teehee, Voldemort sounds like a baby that can talk. Who is to milk Nagini?" "But you seem so much stronger, My Lord-" Kahlan: tsk tsk, flattery will get you nowhere. "Liar," breathed the second voice. "I am no stronger, and a few days alone would be enough to rob me of the little health I have regained under your clumsy care. Silence!" Sabrina: *confused* But I thought that was the point...? Wormtail, who had been sputtering incoherently, fell silent at once. For a few seconds, Frank could hear nothing but the fire crackling. Then the second man spoke once more, in a whisper that was almost a hiss. Kahlan: Aah, showing off our Parseltounge abilities, are we? "I have my reasons for using the boy- Sabrina as Voldemort: Which I won't say now because it would give away the plot. -, as I have already explained to you, and I will use no other. I have waited thirteen years. A few more months will make no difference. Kahlan: Will for us *yawn* As for the protection surrounding the boy, I believe my plan will be effective. All that is needed is a little courage from you, Wormtail- Kahlan: *snort* Ok, the plan has officially failed. -courage you will find, unless you wish to feel the full extent of Lord Voldemort's wrath-" Sabrina: There he goes, talking in third person again! "My Lord, I must speak!" said Wormtail, panic in his voice now. "All through our journey I have gone over the plan in my head- My Lord, Bertha Jorkins's disappearance will not go unnoticed for long, and if we proceed, if I murder-" Kahlan: Murder? "If?" whispered the second voice. "If? If you follow the plan, Wormtail, the Ministry need never know that anyone else has died. You will do it quietly and without fuss; I only wish that I could do it myself, but in my present condition…Come, Wormtail, once more death and our path to Harry Potter is clear. I am not asking you to do it alone. By that time, my faithful servant will have rejoined us-" "I am a faithful servant," said Wormtail, the merest trace of- Kahlan: amusement -sullenness in his voice. "Wormtail, I need somebody with brains, somebody whose loyalty has never wavered, and you, unfortunately, fulfill neither requirement." Kahlan: Ooh, that was cold! "I found you," said Wormtail, and there was definitely a sulky edge to his voice now. "I was the one who found you. I brought you Bertha Jorkins." "That is true," said the second man, sounding amused. "A stroke of brilliance I would not have thought possible from you, Wormtail, though, if truth be told, you were not aware how useful she would be when you caught her, were you?" Sabrina: Wow, a character who's sarcastic and has a sense of humor! I'm amazed. "I-I thought she might be useful, My Lord-" Sabrina: *cough liar cough cough* "Liar," said the second voice again, the cruel amusement more pronounced than ever. "However, I do not deny that the information was- Kahlan: extremely pointless -invaluable. Without it, I could never have formed our plan, and for that, you will have your reward, Wormtail. I will allow you to perform an essential task for me, one that many of my followers would give their right hands to perform...." Sabrina: literally. "R-really, My Lord? What-" Wormtail sounded terrified again. Kahlan: When does he ever not? "Ah, Wormtail, you don't want me to spoil the surprise? Your part will come at the very end...but I promise you, you will have the honor of being just as useful as Betha Jorkins." Sabrina: Is that a good or bad thing? "You...you..." Wormtail's voice suddenly sounded hoarse, as though his mouth had gone very dry. "You...are going...to kill me too?" Sabrina: Brilliant deduction Sherlock. "Wormtail, Wormtail," said the cold voice silkily- Sabrina: Voldemort trying to be charming...scary. -"why would I kill you?- Kahlan: Because you're a violent psycho. -I killed Bertha because I had to. She was fit for nothing after my questioning, quite useless. In any case, awkward questions would have been asked if she had gone back to the Ministry with the news that she had met you on her holidays. Wizards who are supposed to be dead would do well not to run into Ministry of Magic witches at wayside inns." Sabrina: Poor Wormy, can't visit nightclubs without wizards and witches screaming as if they'd seen a ghost.... Wormtail muttered something so quietly that Frank could not hear it- Kahlan: It's ok, you didn't want to. Sabrina: It's amazing the things you hear when you use your power to listen.... *shudder* -but it made the second man laugh- an entirely mirthless laugh, cold as his speech. "We could have modified her memory? Kahlan: Ok...I think I missed the joke. But Memory Charms can be broken by a powerful wizard, as I proved when I questioned her. It would be an insult to her memory not to use the information I extracted from her, Wormtail." Kahlan: Is it just me...or did Voldemort just try to make a joke? Out in the corridor, Frank suddenly became aware that the hand gripping his walking stick was slippery with sweat. The man with the cold voice had killed a woman. He was talking about it without any kind of remorse-with amusement. Kahlan: He's evil. I wouldn't try to understand him if I were you...just gives me a headache. He was dangerous-a madman. Sabrina: And what's wrong with being mad? And he was planning more murders-this boy, Harry Potter, whoever he was-was in danger- Frank knew what he must do. Now, if ever, was the time to go to the police. Kahlan: Yes, run! He would creep out of the house and head straight for the telephone box in the village...but the cold voice was speaking again, and Frank remained where he was, frozen to the spot, listening with all his might. Kahlan: Bad move.... "One more murder...my faithful servant at Hogwarts...Harry Potter is as good as mine, Wormtail. It is decided. There will be nor more argument. Kahlan as Voldemort: *loftily* the great Lord Voldemort has spoken. But quiet...I think I hear Nagini...." And the second man's voice changed. He started making noises such as Frank had never heard before; he was hissing and spitting without drawing breath. Sabrina: Quick, call 911! Frank thought he must be having some sort of fit or seizure. And then Frank heard movements behind him in the dark passageway. He turned to look, and found himself paralyzed with fright. Kahlan: And for once it's not us! Something was slithering toward him along the dark corridor floor, and as it drew nearer the sliver of firelight, he realized with a thrill of terror that it was- Kahlan: Bill Clinton. -a gigantic snake, at least twelve feet long. Horrified, transfixed, Frank stared as its undulating body cut a wide, curving track through the think dust on the floor, coming closer and closer-What was he to do? The only means of escape was into the room where the two men sat plotting murder- Kahlan: Personally I'd rather face the snake. -, yet if he stayed where he was the snake would surely kill him. But before he had made his decision, the snake was level with him- (The two girls were waving at the snake and hissing. As the snake passed them it narrowed its eyes at them. They just smiled and hissed after it "Give our regards to Lord V") -, and then, incredibly, miraculously- Kahlan: amazingly -, it was passing; it was following the spitting, hissing noises made by the cold voice beyond the door, and in seconds, the tip of its diamond-patterned tail had vanished through the gap. There was sweat on Frank's forehead now, and the hand on the walking stick was trembling. Inside the room, the cold voice was continuing to hiss, and Frank was visited by a strange idea, and impossible idea…This man could talk to snakes. *Kahlan and Sabrina both politely clap* Frank didn't understand what was going on. He wanted more than anything else to be back in his bed with his hot-water bottle. Kahlan: Well, we warned you. The problem was that his legs didn't seem to want to move. As he stood there shaking and trying to master himself, the cold voice switched abruptly to English again. "Nagini has interesting news, Wormtail," it said. Kahlan: Notice how Voldemort is described as an it. "In-indeed, My Lord?" said Wormtail. Kahlan: No, he was just making it up to surprise you. Idiot. "Indeed, yes," said the voice. "According to Nagini, there is an old Muggle standing right outside this room, listening to every word we say." Sabrina to Kahlan: Hey, Voldemort "forgot" to mention us. Kahlan: Probably because he can't do anything about us. Frank didn't have any time to hide himself. There were footsteps, and then the door of the room was flung wide open. A short, balding man with graying hair, a pointed nose, and small, watery eyes stood before Frank, a mixture of fear and alarm in his face. (Of course, the fear and alarm wasn't directed at Frank. He had just seen the two Watchers leaning up against the wall smirking at him.) "Invite him in, Wormtail. Where are your manners?"
Kahlan to Sabrina: Never knew he had any. The cold voice was coming from the ancient armchair before the fire, but Frank couldn't see the speaker. Sabrina: Believe us, its better that way. The snake, on the other hand, was curled up on the rotting hearth rug, like some horrible travesty of a pet dog. (It raised its head and hissed and the two girls, who cheerily waved back.) Wormtail beckoned Frank into the room. Though still deeply shaken, Frank took a firmer grip upon his walking stick and limped over the threshold. (The girls manage to slip inside while Wormtail is closing the door, much to his displeasure.) The fire was the only source of light in the room; it cast long, spidery shadows upon the walls. Frank stared at the back of the armchair; for the man inside seemed to be even smaller that his servant, for Frank couldn't see the back of his head. "You heard everything, Muggle?" said the cold voice. Kahlan as Frank: Of course not. I was just taking a stroll along the hallways of a deserted house when I met your snake...lovely pet you have there.... "What's that you're calling me?" said Frank defiantly, for now that he was inside the room, now that the time had come for some sort of action, he felt braver; it had always been so in the war. "I am calling you a Muggle," said the voice coolly. "It means that you are not a wizard. Kahlan: Yeah, we already told him, but does anyone listen to us? No.... "I don't know what you mean by wizard," said Frank, his voice going steadier. "All I know is I've heard enough to interest the police tonight, I have. You've done murder and you're planning more! And I'll tell you this too,"- Kahlan as Frank: I'm really Albus Dumbledore! -he added, on a sudden inspiration, "my wife knows I'm up here, and if I don't come back-" "You have no wife," said the cold voice, very quietly. "Nobody knows you are here. You told nobody that you were coming. Do not lie to Lord Voldemort, Muggle, for he knows...he always knows...." "Is that right?" said Frank roughly. "Lord, is it? Well, I don't think much of your manners, My Lord. Turn 'round and face me like a man, why don't you?" Kahlan: This guy is either very brave or very stupid. "But I am not a man, Muggle," said the cold voice, barely audible now over the crackling of the flames. "I am much, much more than a man. However...why not? I will face you...Wormtail, come turn my chair around." The servant gave a whimper. "You heard me, Wormtail." Kahlan as Wormtail: I'm sorry, did you say something? I wasn't paying attention. Slowly, with his face screwed up, as though he would rather have done anything than approach his master and the hearth rug where the snake lay, the small man walked forward- Kahlan: and jumped out a window. -and began to turn the chair. The snake lifted its ugly triangular head and hissed slightly as the legs of the chair snagged on the rug. (The two girls stuff cotton in their ears to ward off the sound of the impending scream) And then the chair was facing Frank, and he was what was sitting in it. His walking stick fell to the floor with a clatter. He opened his mouth and let out a scream. Kahlan: Voldie, I think this is a hint you need plastic surgery He was screaming so loudly that he never heard the words the thing in the chair spoke as it raised a wand. There was a flash of green light, a rushing sound, and Frank Bryce crumpled. Sabrina to Kahlan: He's dead, Jim. He was dead before he hit the floor. Two hundred miles away, a boy called Harry Potter woke with a start. |