Title: When Insanity Meets Hogwarts
Chapter Four
* * *
By-
Sabrina: *singing* Bye bye bye...bye bye!
Kahlan: *mumbling* N'Sync, great way to start a chapter...
-twelve o'clock the next day, Harry's-
Kahlan: Plans for world domination were complete.
Sabrina: Relatives had been dead for about two hours.
-school-
Kahlan: Had been destroyed by Voldemort.
Sabrina: Simply wasn't there...
Kahlan: Had been overrun by savage Mongol hordes.
-trunk was packed with-
Kahlan: Matches, Voldemort repellent, a box of Dungbombs, hair gel...
Sabrina: Enough ammunition to supply a small army.
-his school things and all his most prized possessions-
Kahlan: His statue of Albus Dumbledore.
Sabrina: His portable torture chamber, complete with a real Iron Maiden.
Kahlan: Don't forget the Chinese Water Torture. Great for all occasions!
Sabrina: Parties, gaps in conversation, when someone is really annoying you...
-the Invisibility-
Kahlan: Shoe.
Sabrina: Tomato.
-Cloak he had-
Kahlan: Created while he was bored last summer.
Sabrina: Found in the common room.
Kahlan: Adopted from the abandoned magical clothes shelter.
-inherited from his-
Kahlan: Uncle Vernon.
Sabrina: Mother's friend's great-uncle's father's cousin Fred.
-father, the broomstick he had gotten from Sirius, the enchanted map of-
Kahlan: Buckingham Palace.
Sabrina: The teachers' quarters.
Kahlan: Harry, pal, do you mind if I *ahem* borrow that for a few days?
-Hogwarts he had given by-
Kahlan: Percy.
Sabrina: Hannah Abbot.
-Fred and George last year. He had emptied his-
Kahlan: Mind of all useful information over the summer.
Sabrina: Savings account to buy a robotic purple swallow.
-hiding place-
Kahlan: In the ceiling fan.
Sabrina: Under the rug.
-under the loose floorboard of all food,-
Kahlan: Nuclear weapons...
-doublechecked every nook and cranny of his bedroom for forgotten-
Kahlan: Pieces of blackmail.
Sabrina: Items he had stolen from Dudley.
Kahlan: Islands. He still couldn't find Atlantis.
-spellbooks or quills, and taken down the chart on the chall counting down the
days-
Kahlan: Until his plans for world domination were complete.
Sabrina: Until he could buy the DVD for Titanic.
-to September the first, on which he liked to cross off-
Kahlan: All the people he had gotten rid of.
Sabrina: Girls who said they wouldn't go to the Yule Ball with him.
-the days remaining until-
Kahlan: The next AA meeting.
Sabrina: He could go visit Snape.
-his return to Hogwarts.
The atmosphere-
Sabrina: *groans* You just had to bring science class into this...
-inside number four, Privet Drive was extremely tense. The imminent arrival at
their house of-
Kahlan: President Bush.
Sabrina: That would make me move. Far, far away.
-an assortment of-
Kahlan: Valuable silverware.
Sabrina: Wild, raving giraffes with lasers.
Kahlan: Cabinet officials.
-wizards was making the Dursleys uptight and irritable.
Kahlan: Hm...I thought that was us.
Sabrina: So did I.
Uncle Vernon had looked downright-
Kahlan: As opposed to...upleft?
Sabrina: Ahah! Not only will this be a movie, it's going to be a play also! JK
has already put stage directions in here.
-alarmed when Harry had informed him that-
Kahlan: They were out of chocolate milk.
Sabrina: The world was going to explode in about five minutes.
Kahlan: The local library was out of soppy romance novels.
-the Weasleys would be arriving at five o'clock the very next day.
"I hope you told them-
Kahlan: The square root of -98.34.
Sabrina: To watch out for the goldfish...they're everywhere I tell you!
Kahlan: Er...right...
-to dress-
Sabrina: *looks alarmed* I thought this was a children's novel!
Kahlan: Lets...not go there.
-properly,-
Kahlan: Aaaaw. *She changes from a jester's hat, pajama pants, lime green blouse
and bowling shoes into a plain black robe.* Happy?
-these people," he snarled at once.
Sabrina: His dog impersonation is actually quite good.
Kahlan: But his glaring is way below average.
"I've seen the sort of stuff your lot-
Kahlan as Vernon: Get drunk off.
Sabrina as Vernon: Do impersonations of.
Kahlan as Vernon: Have graffitied all over Buckingham Palace.
Sabrina: Damn, they've found us.
-wear. They'd better have the decency to-
Kahlan as Uncle Vernon: Bring me a very expensive gift.
Sabrina as Vernon: Join us in a ritual sacrifice at dawn.
-put on normal clothes, that's all."
Harry felt a slight sense of-
Kahlan: Panic.
Sabrina: Vexation.
-foreboding. He had rarely-
Kahlan: Gotten drunk and fallen asleep in a gutter.
Sabrina: Seen Professor Snape do the tango.
-seen Mr. or Mrs. Weasley wear anything-
Kahlan: Perhaps...we won't comment on this one either.
Sabrina: Well, I think they're nudists.
-that the Dursleys would call "normal." Their children might-
Kahlan: Frolic through fields picking daises.
Sabrina: Participate in arcane rituals in dark, gloomy basements.
-don Muggle clothing during the holidays, but Mr. and Mrs. Weasley usually wore
long-
Kahlan: Leather jackets.
Sabrina: Trousers.
-robes in varying states of-
Kahlan: Decay.
Sabrina: Nonexistence.
-shabbiness. Harry wasn't bothered about-
Kahlan: The fact that Mr. Weasley was Voldemort's heir.
Sabrina: The hideous, bloodsucking monster slowly crawling up his arm.
-what the neighbors would think, but he was anxious about-
Kahlan: His reputation at Hogwarts.
Sabrina: How many of them he would have to kill before they would stop talking
about him.
Kahlan: His uncle and aunt moving to Little Whinging.
-how rude the Dursleys might be-
Kahlan: *raises eyebrow* How rude they might be? Harry, I think we can safely
assume they will be extremely rude.
-to the Weasleys if they turned up looking like their worst idea of-
Sabrina: Kitchenware.
Kahlan: Telemarketers.
-wizards.
Uncle Vernon had put on his-
Sabrina: Shirt that said "My in-laws were killed by Voldemort and all they
gave me was this lousy t-shirt" on the front.
-best suit. To some people, this might have looked like-
Kahlan: Um...that Vernon had put on his best suit?
Sabrina: He had put on his "American politician" Halloween costume a
few months too early.
-a gesture of-
Kahlan: Bad taste.
-welcome, but Harry knew it was because Uncle Vernon wanted to look impressive
and intimidating.
Sabrina: *shakes head* Take it from me Vernon...it didn't work.
Kahlan: *eyes Vernon critically* It's going to take a lot more than that suit...
Dudley, on the other had, looked somehow diminished.
Kahlan: *astonished* How on earth did he manage that?
This was not because-
Kahlan: Of the liposuction he had yesterday.
Sabrina: Of the metal corset he was wearing.
Kahlan: Everyone except for Dudley had experienced a sudden growth spurt.
-the diet was at last taking effect, but due to-
Kahlan: Anxiety.
Sabrina: His grade point average.
-fright.
*Sabrina twiddles her thumbs while Kahlan stares innocently at the ceiling and
whistles.*
Sabrina: Well, how were we to know he was afraid of cobras?
Dudley had emerged from his last encounter with a fully-grown-
Kahlan: Rhinoceros.
Sabrina: Martian.
Kahlan: Extremely drunk...
-wizard with a curly pig's tail poking out of the seat of his-
Kahlan: New BMW convertible.
-trousers,-
Kahlan: Never meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are extremely irritable
and very creative, especially when drunk.
Sabrina: Believe us...we know.
Kahlan: The Chamber of Secrets? Salazar originally designed it as a chamber for
us...his reasoning being we were more terrifying than the basilisk.
Sabrina: *grins* But a bit harder to control.
-and Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had had to pay for-
Kahlan: Harry to stop laughing whenever he saw Dudley the next summer.
Sabrina: The scientists not to use Dudley in their experiment to prove that
humans and pigs are closely related.
-its removal at a private-
Sabrina: -vetrinary-
-hospital in London. It wasn't altogether surprising, therefore, that Dudley
kept-
Kahlan: Begging his parents to send him to New Zealand for a week.
Sabrina: Playing with his "Super Tobasco Sauce Action Man."
-running his hand nervously over his backside,-
*Kahlan snickers*
Sabrina: *sigh* There are some things I really don't want to know...
-and walking sideways from room to room, so as not to-
Sabrina: Have to dust the walls.
Kahlan: Lose the annual "See how weird you can be for a day" contest.
Sabrina: *innocently* Yeah, you win that every year, don't you?
Kahlan: *smirks as duct tape covers Sabrina's mouth* Much better.
-present the same target to the enemy.
Sabrina: *glares at Kahlan as she removes the duct tape* Now no one will see the
"Kick Me" sign we put on his back.
Lunch was an almost silent meal.
*Kahlan starts playing very loud music, while Sabrina pulls out a cell phone and
begins talking to someone named "Saph." They both grin disarmingly.*
Kahlan: Except for us, of course.
Dudley didn't even protest-
Kahlan: When we dyed his hair bright pink and destroyed all his high-tech
devices!
*Dudley squeals and waddles off towards his room*
Sabrina: I guess he didn't know about the last part...
-at the food (cottage cheese and grated celery).
Sabrina: You poor, deprived child. *She takes out a large bar of chocolate and
begins munching.* This sure is good...
Aunt Petunia wasn't-
Kahlan: Related to the one eyed, one horned flying purple people eater.
Sabrina: Tangoing around the room.
Kahlan: Madly in love with Snape.
Sabrina: *ahem* Unlike some watchers...
-eating anything at all.
Sabrina: She's anorexic?
*Kahlan and Sabrina appear with a big plate of food next to Petunia*
Kahlan: Eat! Starving yourself isn't good for anyone!
Sabrina: Vernon will still love you even if you don't weigh 100 pounds! Look at
Dudley...
Her arms were folded, her lips were pursed, and she seemed to be chewing her
tongue,-
Kahlan: Delicious.
Sabrina: I have a wonderful recipe for fried tounge...
Kahlan: Yes, with fava beans and a nice Chianti. No thanks Hannibal.
-as though biting back the furious-
Kahlan: Bad breath!
Sabrina: Killer bees trapped inside her mouth.
-diatribe she longed to throw-
Sabrina: How does that work?
*Kahlan and Sabrina both try to "throw furious diatribes" at each
other.*
Kahlan: Sorry, no physical damage here.
-at Harry.
"They'll be driving,-
Kahlan: -while impaired-
-of course?" Uncle Vernon barked-
Kahlan: Will you please stop doing that! I know you have a great affinity with
dogs, but you don't have to act like one! I know that man was some type of
canine in a previous life.
Sabrina: Dudley was a pig, and Petunia was a giraffe.
-across the table.
"Er," said Harry.
Kahlan: *rolls eyes* What a very intelligent statement which will surely put
your relatives at ease.
Sabrina: Er? Is that the best excuse you can come up with? Pathetic!
He hadn't thought-
Kahlan: So much is obvious.
Sabrina: Does he ever.
-of that. How were the Weasleys going to-
Kahlan: Manage a perfect game in bowling?
Sabrina: All dye their hair blue?
Kahlan: Torture the Dursleys? So many methods, so little time...
-pick him up? They didn't have a-
Kahlan: Private jet.
Sabrina: Scooter!
-car anymore; the old Ford Anglia they had once owned was currently-
Kahlan: Being auctioned off at e-bay by Dumbledore for about thirteen million
dollars.
Sabrina: The star of the new National Geographic Documentary: When Cars Are
Mistreated, a Ford Anglia's Story.
-running wild in the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts. But Mr. Weasley-
Kahlan: Gone in search of the missing Anglia.
Sabrina: He was never heard from again.
-had borrowed a Ministry of Magic car last year; possibly he would do the same
today?
"I think-
Kahlan: *ahem* 'scuse me, I have a slight sore throat.
-so," said Harry.
Uncle Vernon snorted-
Kahlan: Tsk, tsk, drugs are bad.
Sabrina: I snorted some Altoid dust once.
*Kahlan slowly backs away from Sabrina.*
-into his mustache. Normally, Uncle Vernon would have asked-
Kahlan: Himself why he hasn't shaved his mustache off yet.
Sabrina: If he could borrow a pound from Harry.
Kahlan: Harry to tell Dudley bedtime stories about Hogwarts.
-what car Mr. Weasley-
Sabrina: -had stolen and now-
-drove; he tended to judge other men by-
Sabrina: Their insurance plans.
Kahlan: Whether they wore bowling shoes in public.
Sabrina: How many number two pencils they bought a year.
-how big and expensive their-
Kahlan: Wife's hairdressing bill.
Sabrina: Scooters.
-cars were. But Harry doubted whether Uncle Vernon would have taken to Mr.
Weasley even if he drove a Ferrari.
Sabrina: A Ferrari? I would have taken to Mr. Weasley.
Kahlan: No, Sabrina, you would have taken his Ferrari.
Harry spent most of the afternoon in his bedroom;-
Kahlan: Attempting to remove the Dark Mark which had mysteriously appeared on
one of his walls.
-he couldn't stand watching Aunt Petunia peer out through the net curtains every
few seconds, as thought there had been a warning about an escaped-
Kahlan: Madman armed with a pencil sharpener and some super glue.
Sabrina: Group of teenage girls who wanted to come "visit" Harry.
-rhinoceros. Finally, at quarter to five, Harry went back downstairs and into
the living room.
Aunt Petunia was compulsively-
Kahlan: Drawing the Dark Mark all over the walls.
Sabrina: Waving her handgun, while muttering "Kill" under her breath.
-straightening cushions.
Kahlan: *clipboard appears and she begins scribbling while muttering under her
breath* Compulsive cushion straightening disorder....signs of insanity...mental
hospital...
Uncle Vernon was pretending to read the paper,-
Sabrina: -but he was actually reading the comic book he had carefully hidden
behind it.
-but his tiny eyes were not moving,-
Sabrina: *pretends to check Vernon's pulse* He's dead, Jim.
Kahlan: Sabrina, my name is not Jim.
-and Harry was sure he was really listening with all his might for the sound of
an approaching car.
*Kahlan and Sabrina burst into the room wearing SWAT teams uniforms and carrying
water pistols. Sabrina sprays Vernon with water.*
Kahlan: All right Vernon Dursley, you're under arrest. Come with us.
Dudley was crammed into an-
Kahlan: Open sardine can.
Sabrina: Metal barred cage, so all the young children could laugh and point at
him.
-armchair, his porky hands beneath him, clamped firmly around his bottom.
Kahlan: *dryly* I'm surprised he hasn't broken them yet.
Sabrina as Petunia: Dudley, please get your hands where we can see them.
Harry couldn't take the tension;-
Kahlan: He finally snapped and ran away to become a boy band member.
-he left the room and went and sat on the stairs in the hall, his eyes on his
watch-
Sabrina: Eeew! That's nasty!
Kahlan: *rolls eyes* No figure of speech is safe around you.
-and his heart pumping fast from excitement and nerves.
Kahlan: *cheesy smile* Lose weight and increase your heart rate the fast and
completely safe way! Anxiety causes weight loss! Order now for your free abusive
relatives kit!
But five o'clock came and then went.
Kahlan: It didn't want to stick around.
Uncle Vernon, perspiring slightly-
Sabrina: *politely hands him a bottle of deodarant.* You need this.
-in his suit, opened the front door, peered up and down the street, then
withdrew his head quickly.
Kahlan: Oh no, that definitely won't cause comment among the neighbors.
Sabrina as Vernon: *muttering* They're all out to get me...
"They're late!" he snarled at Harry.
"I know," said Harry. "Maybe-er-the traffic's bad, or
something."
Kahlan: We really need to work on your excuses. *Pulls out a large book and
hands to Harry.* It's our "Big Book of Excuses for Every Occasion."
You need it.
Sabrina: ...or something?!?! Chaos save us, Jane Drew has taken over Harry!!!
Run for your life!
Ten past five...then a quarter past five...Harry was starting to feel anxious
himself now. At half past, he heard Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia conversing in
terse mutters in the living room.
Kahlan as Vernon: Petunia, I'm thinking of disowning Dudley and adopting Harry.
Sabrina as Petunia: Lovely dear, but I think I'm going to divorce you and start
my own talk show.
"No consideration at all."
"We might've had an engagement."
Kahlan: No, the Weasleys knew that neither of you have lives.
"Maybe they think they'll get invited to dinner if they're late."
Sabrina: *scowls at Petunia* You'd probably poison the food.
"Well, they most certainly won't be," said Uncle Vernon, and Harry
heard him stand up and-
Sabrina: Hit Petunia over the head with a chair.
Kahlan: Declare his love for Severus Snape.
Sabrina: That's sickening.
Kahlan: Thanks, I try.
-start pacing the living room.
*Kahlan and Sabrina appear in the living room, and Kahlan falls in step with
Vernon's pacing, mimicking his every move and gesture.*
"They'll take the boy and go, there'll be no hanging around. That's if
they're coming at all.
Kahlan: This man has anxiety problems.
Sabrina as Vernon: Maybe they don't like me anymore! I'm so nervous, what if
they stand me up? I couldn't deal with the rejection!
*Vernon glares at Sabrina. Sabrina smiles innocently.*
Probably mistaken the day. I dare say their kind don't set much store by
punctuality. Either that or they drive some tin-pot car that's broken d-AAAAAAAARRRRRGH!"
Harry jumped up.
Kahlan as Harry: *sigh* Time to save the world from the forces of evil...again.
Sabrina: -And rode off into the living room to face whatever unspeakable evil
was after him this week.
From the other side of the living room door came the sounds of the three
Dursleys-
Kahlan: Playing the game of life.
Sabrina: Using Mr. Weasley's head as a dart board.
Kahlan: Fighting over who would get the last chocolate chip cookie.
-scrambling, panic-stricken, across the room.
Sabrina: It wasn't us.
Kahlan: For once.
Next moment Dudley came flying into the hall, looking terrified.
"What happened?" said Harry. "What's the matter?"
Kahlan as Dudley: It's aliiiiiive! *Kahlan mock dramatically collapses*
Sabrina as Dudley: We're out of Cheerios!
Kahlan: We're stuck here at the Durselys' when I really want to go to Hogwarts
and see Sn- I mean...cause some havoc?
*Sabrina rolls her eyes and mutters something which sounds suspiciously like
"Only you, Kahlan...only you."*
But Dudley didn't seem able to speak.
*Sabrina, who has suddenly appeared, hides the roll of duct tape behind her
back. Harry grimaces and, none too gently, rips the tape off of his cousin's
mouth.*
Hands still clamped over his buttocks, he waddled as fast as he could into the
kitchen.
*Sabrina sticks out a foot and trips Dudley, who continues his path to the
kitchen bouncing on his large stomach.*
Harry hurried into the living room.
Loud bangings and scrapings were coming from behind the Dursley's boarded-up
fireplace, which had a fake coal fire plugged in front of it.
Sabrina: Yay! It's Santa Claus!
Kahlan as Vernon: Petunia, did you try to bury someone alive in the fireplace
again?
"What is it?" gasped Aunt Petunia, who had backed into the wall and
was staring, terrified, toward the fire. "What is it, Vernon?"
Kahlan: *in deep, evil voice* Your worst nightmare.
Sabrina as Petunia: Well, it doesn't look much like George W. in a thong...
Kahlan: *grimaces* What an active imagination. I'm going to have nightmares for
months.
But they were left in doubt barely a second longer.
Kahlan: Out of the fireplace came Saph, here to kill us all. (A/n: Yes Traci, I
should've finished this about a month ago...)
Sabrina: *astonished* My math teacher? What are you doing in the fireplace?
Voices could be heard from inside the blocked fireplace.
Kahlan: *nods sagely* Ah, the voices.
Sabrina: We know a lot about voices.
Kahlan: You know those voices a few mortals hear that whisper about power,
destruction, and chaos? *She looks sheepish*. That would be us.
"Ouch! Fred, no-go back, go back, there's been some kind of mistake-tell
George not to-OUCH! George, no, there's no room, go back quickly and tell
Ron-"
Kahlan: *grinning* I've got to see this. *She appears in the crammed chimney
with Fred, George, and Aurthur Weasley. They all give her surprised looks.*
Fred: *whispering to George* Who is she, and what is she doing here?
Kahlan: *glances around* Nice chimney. *She grabs Fred and George's hands and
vigorously shakes them* Very pleased to meet you. Mortals after our own heart.
Keep up the good work.
*The twins both give her an odd look. She grins, and disappears.*
"Maybe Harry can hear us, Dad-maybe he'll be able to let us out-"
There was a loud hammering of fists on the boards behind the electric fire.
Sabrina: Ah, morse code.
Kahlan: *making notes on a small notepad.* It reads "L-e-t u-s o-u-t o-f
h-e-r-e o-r s-o-m-e-o-n-e-'s a-s-s i-s g-e-t-t-i-n-g k-i-c-k-e-d."
"Harry? Harry, can you hear us?"
*Harry puts his fingers in his ears and starts humming loudly*
The Dursleys rounded on Harry like a pair of angry-
Kahlan: Flamingos.
Sabrina: Harry Potter fans who didn't get tickets for opening night of the
movie.
*The two slowly back away*
Kahlan: It's best not to mess with Harry Potter fans, they're a vicious,
obsessed, and deranged bunch of mortals.
Sabrina: That's why we fit in with them so well.
-wolverines.
"What is this?" growled Uncle Vernon. "What's going on?"
Kahlan as Harry: We leave them in there for about three days, and when we let
them out they'll finally co-operate.
Sabrina as Harry: A bunch of wizards have suddenly appeared in your fireplace,
okay? Sheesh!
"They-they've tried to get here by Floo powder," said Harry, fighting
a mad desire to laugh.
Sabrina: Don't fight it, Harry...
Kahlan: Maniacal laughter is good for stress relief.
"They can travel by fire-only you've blocked the fire-hang on-"
*Kahlan and Sabrina look around*
Sabrina: To what?
He approached the fireplace and called through the boards.
Kahlan as Harry: Welcome to Lord Voldemort's residance.
"Mr. Weasley? Can you hear me?"
The hammering stopped. Somebody inside the chimney piece said, "Shh!"
"Mr. Weasley, it's Harry...the fireplace has been blocked up. You won't be
able to go through there."
Sabrina: *rolls her eyes* No, really.
Kahlan: Harry, harry, why did you have to tell them so soon? You could've at
least had them suffer for a few more minutes and taunted them. *She mutters
"bloody Gryffindors" under her breath.*
"Damn!" said Mr. Weasley's voice.
*Kahlan and Sabrina both gasp and cover their ears.*
Kahlan: Tsk, tsk, such foul language.
Sabrina: This is a child's book.
"What on earth did they want to block up the fireplace for?"
Kahlan: To keep people like you out, probably.
"They've got an electric fire," Harry explained.
Sabrina: *groans* Harry, did you have to mention electricity to him?
"Really?" said Mr. Weasley's voice excitedly. "Eclectic, you say?
With a plug? Gracious, I must see that...Let's think...
Kahlan: Yes, that would be a good place to start.
-ouch, Ron!"
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: How many times have I told you not to carry sharp
objects when traveling by Floo powder? Hmmm?
Ron's voice now joined the other's.
"What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?"
Sabrina as Ron: Is Mr. Wuffles okay?
Kahlan: *exasperated sigh* Of course not, Ron. Everything's just peachy.
"Oh no Ron," said Fred's voice, very sarcastically. "No, this is
exactly where we wanted to end up."
*Kahlan and Sabrina both pause in the middle of a comment, mouths open. Kahlan's
eyes roll into the back of her head, and she faints. Sabrina steps aside to let
her hit the floor, but Harry, ever the valiant hero, barely manages to catch
Kahlan. After a few moments she grins, shakily thanks Harry, and stands up
slowely.*
Kahlan: A Harry Potter character other than Snape just used sarcasm....*she
trails off in wonder.*
Sabrina: *wipes a tear from the corner of her eye* We've taught them well.
"Yeah, we're having the time of our lives here," said George, whose
voice sounded muffled, as though he was squashed against the wall.
Kahlan: I bet you are, and I bet fanfiction writers are having a field day with
this.
Sabrina: The Weasley twins and Ron, caught in a fireplace...*she trails off and
grins. Kahlan notices the predatory smile and puts a restraining hand on her
friends shoulder.*
Kahlan: No, Sabrina. *Sabrina glares at her and sighs.*
"Boys, boys..." said Mr. Weasley vaguely.
Sabrina: He's on the LSD again.
Kahlan: Either that or he's practicing to become a politician.
"I'm trying to think what to do...Yes...the only way...stand back,
Harry."
Sabrina as Harry: Wha-what are you going to do?
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: It's for the best Harry. We're going to have to kill Ron,
then use him as an instrument to climb out of the chimney.
Harry retreated to the sofa.
*Harry takes a seat. Sabrina groans and moves her feet out from under him.*
Sabrina: Ouch! Just when I was getting comfortable....
Uncle Vernon, however, moved forward.
*Kahlan and Sabrina both shake their heads.*
Kahlan: Bad idea Vernon. When a wizard says "Stand back" they mean
stand back.
"What a moment!" he bellowed at the fire.
Kahlan: Tsk, tsk. I don't think Traci will take you yelling at fire very
lightly.
"What exactly are you going to-"
BANG.
Sabrina: Death! One of the livelier ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATIONS I've met.
He's quite a nice...er...fellow.
Kahlan: *shakes head sadly* Just because there are capital letters does not mean
Death is here. Anyway, I much prefer the Patrician.
Sabrina: *rolls eyes* You would.
The electric fire shot across the room as the boarded-up fireplace burst
outward, expelling Mr. Weasley, Fred, George, and Ron in a cloud of rubble and
loose chippings. Aunt Petunia shrieked and fell backward over the coffee table;
Uncle Vernon caught her before she hit the floor, and gaped, speechless, at the
Weasleys, all of who had bright red hair, including Fred and George, who were
identical to the last freckle.
*Kahlan and Sabrina both begin to laugh hysterically.*
Kahlan: *gasping for breath* That was perfect! What an entrance!
Sabrina: Priceless. However, I have to wonder how Vernon knows their identical
to the last freckle. I mean, he can't see all the freckles-
Kahlan: Sabrina, stop right there. Let's not go any farther than need be.
Sabrina: *muttering* If it was Snape you'd...*she catches Kahlan's eye and is
quiet.*
"That's better," panted Mr. Weasley,-
*Kahlan waves her hand and a bowl labeled "Aurthur" appears, full of
water.*
Sabrina: That fireplace was a bit cramped.
Kahlan: *softly* Not that you minded.
*Sabrina tackles her, and a scuffle ensues.*
-brushing dust from his long green robes and straightening his glasses.
"Ah-you must be Harry's aunt and uncle!"
*Mr. Weasley beams at Harry's relatives, and he notices the two girls, who are
throwing all sorts of curses and hexes at each other. Sabrina's hair is flashing
neon colors, and Kahlan is wearing a pink clown suit. Tired, they shake hands
and the enchantments disappear. They both turn to Mr. Weasley and grin. Mr.
Weasley turns to Harry, confused.*
Mr. Weasely: *hissing* You never mentioned them.
*Harry shrugs*
Kahlan: *bows* Kahlan and Sabrina, but you probably don't want us at your
service.
Tall, thin, and balding, he moved toward Uncle Vernon, his hand outstretched,-
Kahlan: Ready to thrown Vernon to the ground if he made any wizard jokes.
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: Come with me and we can rule the world! Mwahahahahaha!
-but Uncle Vernon backed away several paces, dragging Aunt Petunia. Words
utterly failed Uncle Vernon.
Sabrina: *sadly* He'll never pass at the rate he's going.
His best suit was covered in white dust, which had settled in his hair and
mustache and made him look as though he had just aged thirty years.
Kahlan: Would you like us to remedy that?
*Kahlan and Sabrina turn the dust a variety of colors: red, blue, green, purple,
etc.*
Sabrina: Oh, don't worry. It'll wash out of your hair...eventually.
"Er-yes-sorry about that," said Mr. Weasley, lowering his hand and
looking over his shoulder at the blasted fireplace.
Kahlan: Don't bother. We found it amusing, and that's all that matters.
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: If I had known what a prat you were, Dursley, I would've
done a lot more than blown out your fireplace.
"It's all my fault.
Sabrina as Vernon: *gravely.* Yes, it is. For this you must die.
Kahlan: *groans* I see very lame angst in the near future...
Sabrina: No, that's just in fanfiction.
It just didn't occur to me that-
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: The world isn't flat.
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: Brown and pink just don't go together.
-we wouldn't be able to get out the other end. I had your fireplace connected to
the Floo Network, you see-just for an afternoon, you know, so we could get
Harry. Muggle fireplaces aren't supposed to be connected, strictly speaking-but
I've got a useful contact-
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: ie I have blackmail on someone and bullied them into
doing this for me.
Sabrina: He only wears one contact? How odd.
Kahlan: At times it amazes me just how dense you can be.
Sabrina: *bows* Why thank you.
-at the Floo Regulation Panel and he fixed it for me.
Kahlan: *slowly* Sabrina, do you think they could connect our fireplace?
Sabrina: *with a gleam in her eye* I don't see why not.
*Harry mutters something that sounds like "Not in a thousand years."*
I can put it right in a jiffy, though, don't worry. I'll light a fire to send
the boys back, and then I can repair your fireplace before I Disapparate."
Harry was ready to bet-
Kahlan: Seven sickles in his game of strip poker.
Sabrina: That Snape would never dress as Britney Spears and sing "Oops, I
did it again" at the top of his lungs during the Halloween feast.
Kahlan: *shudders* I don't think even the Imperius curse could make Snape do
that.
-the Dursleys hadn't understood a single word of this. They were still gaping at
Mr. Weasley, thunderstruck.
*Kahlan and Sabrina wave their hands in front of the Dursleys.*
Kahlan: Earth to Vernon...
Sabrina: Like a pair of deer in headlights. *She shakes her head sadly.*
Pitiful.
Aunt Petunia staggered upright again-
Kahlan: She seems a bit drunk to me.
Sabrina as Petunia: Drun'? 'm not drun'! You wouldn' dare call m' drun' if I was
sober!*
-and hid behind Uncle Vernon.
Sabrina: Ah, hide and go seek, is it?
"Hello, Harry!" said Mr. Weasley brightly.
Kahlan: *shielding her face* Ah, protect me from the false cheerfullness!
"Got your trunk ready?"
Sabrina as Harry: Damn, I knew I forgot something.
"It's upstairs," said Harry, grinning back.
"We'll get it," said Fred at once. Winking at Harry, he and George
left the room.
Kahlan: Harry, do you really trust Fred and George in your room, alone?
Sabrina: Then again, after what we did to it I don't think it can get any worse.
They knew where Harry's bedroom was, having once rescued him from it in the dead
of night.
Kahlan: In the flying car. Yes, we know.
Sabrina: Rescued Harry from his bedroom? Don't you mean from these ignorant gi-I
mean the Dursleys.
Harry suspected that Fred and George were-
Kahlan: Members of the Italian mafia.
Sabrina: Supposed to be in Huffelpuff, but they had bribed the Sorting Hat.
-hoping for a glimpse of Dudley; they had heard a lot about him from Harry.
Kahlan: They've heard about Dudley, and yet they still want to see him. This
can't be right. *A copy of the Goblet of Fire suddenly appears, and she begins
leafing through it. She finds the section she wants. Kahlan scans the section
quickly and begins to chuckle. She closes the book and in a flash it
disappears.*
"Well," said Mr. Weasley, swinging his arms slightly, while he tried
to find words to break the very nasty silence.
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: Would Dudley like to come stay with us also?
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: Er...Dursley...excuse me for asking, but why is your
hair multicolored?
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: I've got free pamphlets on the benefit of joining
Voldemort, would you like to take a look?
"Very-erm-very nice place you've got here."
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: Very neat, tidy, and dust free...what did I say? Why are
you glaring at me like that?
Sabrina: If I didn't know better I would swear he was doing this on purpose.
As the usually spotless living room was now covered in dust and bits of brick,
this remark didn't go down too well with the Dursleys.
*Kahlan and Sabrina catch each other's eye, and Sabrina winks. She waves her
hand and mutters something under her breath, and suddenly everyone in the room
(except for the two girls) freeze. They take out cans of spray paint, and start
working. When the room is colorful enough to meet their approval, they begin to
set practical jokes around the living room. Kahlan takes a permanent marker and
draws a moustache and goatee on Petunia Dursley. The two step back to admire
their creation.*
Kahlan: I've been wanting to do that ever since we got here.
Sabrina: Me too. Er...do you think painting "Some of our best friends are
wizards" on the oustide of the house is a bit much? *They look at each
other and Kahlan shrugs.* Nah.
Uncle Vernon's face purpled once more,-
Kahlan: I accidently sprayed him in the face with that can of purple spraypaint.
Whoops, my bad.
-and Aunt Petunia started chewing her tongue again.
Sabrina: If I was forced to live under this diet regime, I would eat my tounge
too.
Kahlan: Let's hope she swallows it. Then we won't have to listen to her chatter
any longer.
However, they seemed too scared to actually say anything.
Sabrina: So that's why they haven't tried to kick us out yet.
Kahlan: I thought that was just self preservation.
Mr. Weasley was looking around. He loved everything to do with-
Kahlan: Chinese water torture.
Sabrina: Divination.
-Muggles. Harry could see him itching-
Kahlan: Yes, itching powder will do that.
Sabrina: Not that we'd ever do such a thing, of course.
-to go and examine the television and the video recorder. "They run of
eckeltricity, do they?" he said knowledgeably. "Ah yes, I can see the
plugs. I collect plugs," he added to Uncle Vernon. "And batteries. Got
a very large collection of batteries. My wife thinks I'm mad, but there you
are."
Sabrina: His wife isn't the only one.
Kahlan: Don't worry Mr. Weasley, being mad isn't a bad thing.
Sabrina: For one thing, people tend to stay out of your way if you laugh for no
apparent reason and hold conversations with imaginary people in public.
Uncle Vernon clearly thought Mr. Weasley was mad too.
Sabrina: *mutters* Hypocrite.
He moved ever so slightly to the right, screening-
Sabrina: His bottle cap collection and-
-Aunt Petunia from view, as though he thought Mr. Weasley might suddenly run at
them and attack.
Kahlan: No, he only does that if you really make him angry.
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: *waving his wand in the air and screaming* Today is a
good day for someone else to die! Hehe, only joking.
Dudley suddenly reappeared in the room. Harry could hear the clunk of his trunk
on the stairs, and knew that-
Kahlan: They were all about to die.
Sabrina: Voldemort was his second uncle and his father. He also knew they were
actually from North Carolina.
-the sounds had scared Dudley out of the kitchen.
Kahlan: That and the lack of food in the refrigirator.
Sabrina: Very smart Dudley. They are odd and frightening noises coming from the
living room, and you leave the safety of the kitchen to see what is happening.
Dudley edged along the wall,-
Sabrina: Thus starting his career as a painter.
Kahlan: Leaving a trail of thick, green slime in his wake.
-gazing at Mr. Weasley with terrified eyes, and attempted to-
Kahlan: Suffocate Mr. Weasley by sitting on him.
Sabrina: Do a strip tease to the Full Monty.
-conceal himself behind his mother and father. Unfortunately, Uncle Vernon's
bulk, while sufficient to hide bony Aunt Petunia, was nowhere near enough to
conceal Dudley.
Kahlan: *muttering* You'd have to buy an elephant for that.
"Ah, this is your cousin, is it, Harry?" said Mr. Weasley, taking
another brave stab at-
Kahlan: The black knight, before he realized his sword was pointing the wrong
way.
Sabrina: Trying to lull the Dursleys into a false sense of security before he
put the Imperius Curse on them.
-making conversation.
"Yep," said Harry, "that's Dudley."
He and Ron exchanged-
Sabrina: Chocolate chip cookie recipes.
Kahlan: Wizarding money for Muggle money, and then went clubbing.
-glances and then quickly looked away from each other; the temptation to-
Kahlan: Kill Harry's relatives right then and there.
Sabrina: Eat the oranges from the Forbidden Forest was overpowering.
-burst out laughing was almost overwhelming. Dudley was still clutching at his
bottom as though afraid it might-
Kahlan: Mutate.
Sabrina: Be cut off and the fat used to feed hungry children of Africa.
Kahlan: Sabrina...that's sick.
-fall off. Mr. Weasley, however, seemed genuinely concerned at Dudley's peculiar
behavior. Indeed, from the tone of his voice when he next spoke, Harry was quite
sure that Mr. Weasley thought Dudley was quite-
Kahlan: Handsome.
Sabrina: Annoying.
-as mad as the Dursleys thought he was, except that Mr. Weasley felt-
Kahlan: Omnipotence.
Sabrina: Like hexing Dudley.
-sympathy rather than fear.
"Having a good holiday, Dudley?" he said kindly.
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: *voice turns deep and evil* If so, I've just spoiled it.
Avada Kedavera!
Dudley whimpered. Harry saw his hands-
Kahlan: Move of their own violation and punch Mr. Weasley in the face.
Sabrina: Place a "Kick Me" sign on his father's back.
Kahlan: We've taught him well.
-tighten still harder over his massive backside.
Fred and George came back into the room carrying-
Kahlan: Hedwig's dead body.
Sabrina: A copy of Percy's report on thin/thick bottomed cauldrons.
-Harry's school trunk. They glanced around as they entered and spotted Dudley.
Their faces cracked-
Sabrina: This merchandise is going a little bit far. Not only to they have a
movie, calendars, action figures, diaries, numerous fan sites, but they're
making puzzles?
-into identical evil grins.
*Kahlan and Sabrina exchange worried glances.*
Sabrina: I don't like that look.
Kahlan: It's just disconcerting to find it on two other faces than our own.
"Ah, right," said Mr. Weasley. "Better get cracking then."
Kahlan: Good idea. *A hammer and chisel appear.* What are we cracking?
He pushed up the sleeves of his robe and took out his-
Kahlan: Handy-dandy notebook!
Sabrina: Sledgehammer.
Kahlan: Harry Potter movie calendar.
-wand. Harry saw the Dursleys draw-
Kahlan as Vernon: Viola! I shall call it "Enraged wizard goes on killing
spree."
-back against the wall as one.
Sabrina: Be one with the wall...
"Incendio!" said Mr. Weasley, pointing his wand at-
Kahlan: Harry.
Sabrina: The new DATDA teacher, (just to save time before they either left or
died.)
-the hole in the wall behind him.
Sabrina: Fire....excellent. *She takes out the wand she purchased a while back
and begins crying "Incendio" while pointing the wand at random things.
Kahlan follows behind putting all the fires out, and finally gets so sick of it
that she grabs Sabrina's wand and shoves it in her robes.*
Flames rose-
Sabrina as "flames": All hail Aurthur Weasley!
Kahlan as "flames": I will bow down no mortal.
-at once in the fireplace, crackling merrily as though they had been burning for
hours.
Sabrina: We need more wood. *She begins taking random things off shelves and
pitching them into the fireplace.* Much better.
Mr. Weasley took a small draw-string bag from his pocket, untied it, took a
pinch of powder inside,-
Sabrina: Mr. Weasley's on crack!
Kahlan: That explains a lot.
-and threw it onto the flames, which turned emerald green and roared higher than
ever.
Sabrina: Food coloring for fire. Neat.
"Off you go then, Fred," said Mr. Weasley.
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: Time to go to Voldemort's hideout...I mean the Burrow.
"Coming," said Fred. "Oh no-hang on-"
A bag of sweets-
Sabrina: SUGAR! *She runs toward the candy, but is restrained by Kahlan.*
Kahlan: As much as I would like to see what happened when you ate that, this is
Fred that just dropped some delicious looking candy. Eating it would not be a
smart thing to do.
-had spilled out of Fred's pockets and the contents were now-
Kahlan: Being consumed by Dudley.
Sabrina: On their way to Africa to feed the poor, starving children.
-rolling in every direction-big, fat toffees in brightly colored wrappers.
*Kahlan bends down, picks up a few, and puts them into an inside pocket in her
robes.*
Kahlan: *murmuring to Sabrina* These could come in handy...
Fred scrambled around,-
Kahlan: Trying to undo the obsessive compulsive spell that George had put on
him.
Sabrina: Dusting as much furniture as he could before he left.
-cramming them back into his pocket, then gave the Dursleys a cheery wave,
stepped forward, and walked right into the fire, saying "the Burrow!"
Aunt Petunia gave-
Kahlan: Him a ten for being dramatic.
-a little shuddering gasp. There was a whooshing sound, and Fred vanished.
Sabrina: *sadly* He's gone to a better place.
"Right then, George," said Mr. Weasley, "you and the trunk."
Harry helped George-
Kahlan: Brainwash the citizens of Earth by giving them all free internet acess.
-carry the trunk forward into the flames and turn it onto its end so that he-
Sabrina: Hit Mr. Weasley over the head with it.
Kahlan: Do his amazing balancing act.
-could hold it better. Then, with a second whoosh, George had cried "the
Burrow!" and vanished too.
"Ron, you next," said Mr. Weasley.
"See you," said Ron brightly-
Kahlan: First bright thing he's said all chapter.
-to the Dursleys. He grinned broadly at-
Kahlan: Dudley.
Sabrina: Us.
Kahlan: No, he grinned at Harry. Ron glared at us.
-Harry, then stepped into the fire, shouted "the Burrow!" and
disappeared.
Now Harry and Mr. Weasley alone remained.
Kahlan: And then there were two.
Sabrina: Who will be the last one to survive on the island? Stay tuned for the
next episode and you'll see who wins a week of detention with Filch!
"Well...'bye then," Harry said to the Dursleys.
They didn't say anything at all.
Kahlan: It's a lot quieter that way.
Harry moved toward the fire, but just as he reached the edge of the hearth, Mr.
Weasley put out a hand and held him back.
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: Harry, I love you. Let's elope.
He was looking at the Dursleys in amazement.
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: What do you mean I can't borrow your blender? Harry,
talk some sense into these people.
"Harry said-
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: That you were a bunch of ugly gits. Aren't you going to
beat him or something?
-good-bye to you," he said. "Didn't you hear him?"
"It doesn't matter," Harry muttered to Mr. Weasley. "Honestly, I
don't care."
Mr. Weasley did not remove his hand from-
Kahlan: Uncle Vernon's neck.
Sabrina: The grenade he was carrying.
-Harry's shoulder.
"You aren't going to see your nephew till next summer," he said to
Uncle Vernon in mild indignation. "Surely you're going to-
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: Celebrate?
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: Come have a drink with me?
-say good-bye?"
Uncle Vernon's face worked furiously. The idea of-
Kahlan: The world being round.
Sabrina: Voldemort frolicking through a field picking flowers was too much for
the poor man.
-being taught consideration by a man who had just blasted away half his living
room wall seemed to be causing him intense suffering.
Kahlan: *sighs happily* Ah, the irony of it all.
But Mr. Weasley's wand was still in his hand, and Uncle Vernon's tiny eyes
darted to it once, before he said, very resentfully, "Good-bye, then."
*Kahlan and Sabrina clap politely.*
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: See, it wasn't so hard.
"See you," said Harry, putting one foot forward into the green flames,
which felt pleasently like warm breath. At that moment, however,-
Kahlan: Snape tumbled through the fireplace.
Sabrina: Somewhere in China an old man had just eaten a potato.
-a horrible gagging sound erupted behind him, and Aunt Petunia started to
scream.
Harry wheeled-
Kahlan: On his new skateboard.
-around. Dudley was no longer-
Kahlan: Fat.
-standing behind his parents. He was kneeling-
Kahlan: At the altar.
Sabrina: At the executioner's block.
-beside the coffee table, and he was-
Kahlan: Transfiguring the table into a giant pile of candy.
-gagging and sputtering on a foot-long, purple, slimy thing that-
Sabrina: He had mistaken for a jelly slug.
-was protruding from his mouth. One bewildered second later, Harry realized that
the foot-long thing was-
Kahlan: An alien invader who had taken over Dudley's body.
-Dudley's tounge-and that a brightly colored toffee wrapper lay on the floor
behind him.
*Kahlan and Sabrina burst out laughing.*
Kahlan: *wiping tears from eyes* I told you not to eat the candy.
Sabrina: *wicked grin* Those will come in handy...
Aunt Petunia hurled-
Kahlan: All over the brand new white carpet.
-herself onto the ground beside Dudley, seized the end of his swollen tongue,
and attempted to wrench it out of his mouth; unsurprisingly, Dudley yelled and
sputtered worse than ever, trying to fight her off. Uncle Vernon was bellowing
and waving his arms around, and Mr. Weasley had to shout to make himself heard.
Sabrina: *Dreamy look on face* If only the neighbors could see this...
Kahlan: *evil grin* No reason they shouldn't be deprived of this wonderful
entertainment. *She pulls out a camera and begins to widly take pictures of the
scene.* That's it Dudley, work with me here...oh, very nice facial expression
Petunia...too bad we can't record what Vernon is saying...There, I think I've
got it all. *She slips the camera back into her robes and grins.*
"Not to worry, I can-
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: Proportion his face to match his tounge.
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: Put him out of his suffering. Avada Kedavera!
-sort him out!" he yelled, advancing on Dudley with-
Sabrina: A chainsaw and an evil grin.
-his wand outstretched, but Aunt Petunia screamed worse than ever and-
Kahlan: Jumped off of Dudley, yelled "You can have him!", and ran into
the kitchen.
-threw herself on top of Dudley, shielding him from Mr. Weasley.
"No, really!" said Mr. Weasley desperately.
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: This won't hurt at all...
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: I want my Collector's Edition Elvis statue back!
"It's a simple process-it was the toffee-my son Fred-real practical
joker-but it's only an Engorgement Charm-at least, I think it is-please, I can
correct it-"
But far from being reassured, the Dursleys became-
Kahlan: Murderous.
Sabrina: Used to Dudley's new look.
-more panic-stricken; Aunt Petunia was sobbing hysterically, tugging Dudley's
tounge as though determined to-
Kahlan: Bake it for dinner tonight.
Sabrina: Sue Mr. Weasley.
-rip it out; Dudley appeared to be-
Sabrina: Doing fine and watching the scene with consideral amusement.
-suffocating under the combined pressure of his mother and his tounge;-
Kahlan: Anyone know CPR?
Sabrina: Only if a cute guy is suffocating or drowning....so no.
-and Uncle Vernon, who had lost control completely, seized a china figure from
on top of the sideboard and threw it very hard at Mr. Weasley,-
Sabrina: Fun!
*They both grab china figures and begin throwing them at Mr. Weasley. Kahlan
hits Sabrina on the back of the head with a plate, and war breaks out. After
they've run out of china (Vernon has a large pile of ammo stashed near him),
they shake hands and call a truce.*
-who ducked, causing the ornament to-
Kahlan: Hit Aunt Petunia, who was standing behind him.
Sabrina: Knock out one of the Ministry officials who had just appeared.
-shatter in the blasted fireplace.
"Now really!" said Mr. Weasley angrily, brandishing his wand.
"I'm trying to help!"
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: I've tried to be nice, but no. For your rudeness, you
must die.
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: Okay, you shrink your son's tounge to normal size. I'm
out of here.
Bellowing like a wounded hippo, Uncle Vernon snatched up-
Kahlan: The last chocolate chip cookie.
-another ornament.
"Harry,-
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: Stop taking pictures and-
*Harry guiltily puts the camera down.*
-go! Just go!"
Kahlan as Mr. Weasley: I don't love you any more Harry.
Sabrina as Mr. Weasley: I don't want any witnesses.
Mr. Weasley shouted, his wand on Uncle Vernon. "I'll sort this out!"
Harry didn't want to miss the-
Kahlan: Perfect blackmail opportunity.
-fun, but-
Sabrina: He had all his pictures and-
-Uncle Vernon's second ornament narrowly missed his left ear, and on balance he
thought it best to leave the situation to Mr. Weasley.
Kahlan: C'mon Harry, you know a couple of good hexes....oh, you're trying to fix
the problem.
He stepped into the fire, looking over his shoulder as he said-
Kahlan: "Snape manor!"
Sabrina: "Las Vegas!"
-"the Burrow!" His last fleeting glimpse of the living room was of Mr.
Weasley blasting-
Kahlan: Vernon against the wall.
Sabrina: Why do we never get to blast anything?
Kahlan: How do you think it would look on our resumes if we killed the people we
were supposed to be watching?
-a third ornament out of Uncle Vernon's hand with his wand, Aunt Petunia
screaming and lying on top of Dudley, and Dudley's tounge lolling around like a
great slimy python.
Kahlan: Then Harry can talk to it!
Sabrina: *grins* I can't help but crack up at this scene.
Kahlan: And we've got pictures.
*They give each other high fives and chorus "Blackmail."*
But the next moment Harry had begun to spin very fast,-
Kahlan: He's out of control! The break isn't working!
-and the Dursleys' living room was whipped out of sight in a rush of
emerald-green flames.
*Kahlan and Sabrina look at each other and frown.*
Kahlan: As much as I hate to leave this...we'd better follow Harry.
Sabrina: You do that, and I'll get the pictures developed. *She holds out her
hand, and Kahlan hands her the camera.* Meet you at the Burrow!
*Kahlan grins and steps into the flames, and Sabrina disappears.*
